•• THEY WEREN'T STARS •• Often, I sit and ponder...What could have made me this way. Surely it wasn't acquired in life. Maybe it was written in the stars? I didn't ask for this, nor was it a gift...But I found pleasant things behind shadows, and I made my home amongst the dark. The light was foreign to me. So it only made sense to feel comfortable in shadows rather than where the sensible roamed. I was not like them. I hardly felt human. But the more monsters I met, the more I discovered that strange humanity within me...I was not heartless. I cared quite too much for that. And I was thankful for once, that feeling stayed. Horror could not begin to describe the depths I've walked through, those layers of hell that were only my reality would take the life of those who insulted me for overwhelming. It was difficult. I must become numb to feel no fear, but without feeling I feel nothing else. Balance. Balance is essential to stay alive. I find it in the allies I have made on this plane and elsewhere...Kindling souls just looking for something to keep them alive. Fire feeds fire. I found fuel in what gave me light. As did they. Collecting companions we grow to an army. We have won our war but the fighting never really stops, does it? So we gather our weapons and wait for a storm... Until then, we fight ourselves to stay alive in this wretched world of mine... ___ #did#dissociation#dissociativeidentitydisorder#schizophrenia#headspace#headmates#alter#alters#lost#anxiety#vent#writing#fire#brokenfamily#abuse#neveralone#togetherwerise
It’s raining here today which I love because it always shows me a different perspective of life. Just like this window, my world is a little more grey, a little more wet, and a little more blurry. _________________ But because it is grey, I appreciate all the color I once saw that is now missing. _________________ Because it is wet, I spend a little more time inside, cozy in a blanket, nourishing myself and my soul. __________________ Because it is blurry, I relish the moments albeit few of clarity in this very cacophonous world. All these things I too often take for granted. __________________ So thank you, Mr. Rain, for your presence. Although, I must admit I was hoping you wouldn’t come, I am most grateful you did. #rfbART
18 days into the new year and... *I've cried *held someone I love *took my self on a date *clap and cried happy tears while watching a movie #HiddenFigures (not #HiddenFences ) *stayed up to write *doubted myself *ate cheese (f*!@ it) *returned to the place where it all began *told my doubt to take a damn seat *gave up alcohol (just for the month) *Hurt someone, maybe *followed my morning routine *shared a laugh with a stranger *auditioned, auditioned, auditioned *Ran in the cold *looked at my booty in the mirror and "said, damn mami, it's like that" And then laughed for a long time. *and today I danced my heart out because sometimes that's all I need on a rainy day. * How YOU doin'? ******** ******** #Reflection#wellness#checkin#inspired#writing#loveyourself#selflove#actor#model#joblove#ready#dance#laugh#liveyourtruth 📸: @305fitness
This poem of mine is being published in a book that honors student poets!!! Many schools have their students submit work into this website and many schools order these books!! Less than 45% of entries get chosen and I will find out in February if I'm chosen as part of the top 10 or not. This is kinda cool considering I completely forgot I entered my poem!!!! Woah.
(I'm sorry that I still write about you. I'm sorry to myself for apologizing for the way I feel—too little, and too much. I once told you that I don't really care about people, but, when I do, it takes a little more than six months to let go. The thing is, I get that there are a million directions in which your thoughts and feelings can split and I'm dealing, right now, with the possibility that none of those directions lead to me. And I'm half okay with that. You figure out the other half. I'm not heartbroken. I'm just trying to get this over with. And I don't know how to do that. I'm sorry that I'm so open about my feelings. I'm sorry that I don't keep myself inside my head, like you do. I want to compare to all these beautiful feelings. I want to turn you into some kind of metaphor. But, I won't. Because I don't want to get into any kind of clichés around here. This is what I feel, and not a single person in this world, among all the seven billion people, has the ability to feel this. And I don't know to think of an end.)
Zapraszam na Bloga. Czeka na nim świeży wpis pierwszy z serii o pisaniu. Tym razem swoimi przemyśleniami dzieli się peruwiański noblista Mario Vargas Llosa Miłego wieczoru! #writing#reading#mariovargasllosa
Books with my stuff published in 2016. UNFETTERED II (contains my story "Victim With a Capital V," the Kickstarter PAULANDSTORMONOMICON with my story "Mister Double-M," WHAT THE #@&! IS THAT with my story "Those Goddamn Cookies," CHASING SHADOWS with my story "Public Domain," and the ALIGHT French paperback, English hardcover, advanced trade copy and English paperback. A fun year. #bookstagram#books#bookshelf#books#writing