#firstupdate from #emilythroughitall 💓 I contacted my therapist for help, I felt very bad and I didn't know what to do. She said I could come over today, I did and we talked a lot. We talked about what to do and about what I feel. My situation is currently very bad so she called an institution where I have to go to tomorrow. The risk of me killing myself is, according to the therapist, is too high to let me go on vacation. We will discuss on what do to tomorrow and I REALLY hope they let me attend the vacation. Tbh I am terrified of everything that is going to happen now. I have a thousand 'what if's, but I know that in the end it will turn out different anyways. Stay strong 🌱
Got a phone call from PsyQ yesterday (intake nr 1) and I have the "real" intake November 21st (and start treatment after that). Things are moving so slow... Sent in my doctor's reference two months ago. Was sent (and filled out) a questionnaire a month ago. Discussed my doctor's reference and the questionnaire over the phone yesterday. Anyway, their advice for now: try not to lose more weight and purge in the meantime 🙂
#lunch (it was very small so rather afternoonsnack?) from hours ago was a small bucket of rucola soup with some tomato on the side and very tiny pieces of bread (looks huge on the pc, but was like two bites each haha) plus an almondmilk cappuccino. The tearoom didn't had plant-based milk and I had my own lunch with me, but appearently the soup was vegan so I took that and would take my lunch later. I had a small packet of almond milk with me and simply asked if they could make cappuccino with it haha. Very lovely. X After that, I am too exhausted to explain, nor do I want it, did I got an agression attack. It was white before my eyes, didn't reconize myself and walked a lot & fast. My heart rate is still around 80 instead of circa 52 while sitting. Haven't had my lunch now either (what I switched for afternoonsnack), don't feel like it physically and really tired. Finally reached the train, going home and to the dietician. Great day. #recoveringdutchie#edrecovery#skinnydoesnotmeanhealthy#veganrecovery#fuckoffana#proud2bme#anorexiarecovery#anarecovery#krachtvoer
Lunch! Tbh I need to tell you guys something: Even though I really want to spread positive vibes and look on the bright☀️ side of everything, I am slipping back and falling in a hole I can't see the bottom of... Eating goes alright, but my thoughts are flooded with guilt and disorder. I also compensate a lot and it makes every day a struggle. I am so through with it, everything. I really really want to recover, and I'm noticing that this acc makes me unhappy right now. It doesn't necessarily trigger me, but it just feeds the negative spiral I tend to get myself into :( Also with my journey🌍 around the corner (leaving SUNDAY WTF) I decided that it's best to be less active on here. I won't deactivate or anything, but probably won' t post a lot or respond on your photos... I'm really sorry if you mind. For everyone: please don't give up and keep your goals and motivations real and in sight!!! Get rid of things that keep you in your ed world and look at what's most important in life: LIFE❤️ I'll miss a lot of you guys x
'A girl (but also a man😜) should be two things; who and what she wants' ✌🏼#quoteoftheday But why is it so difficult?😏 De laatste tijd ontmoet ik mensen die hun hart (willen) volgen en (proberen te) luisteren naar hun gevoel in plaats van te voldoen aan een bepaald plaatje. Ook voor mij is dit één van mijn belangrijke doelen op dit moment: onderzoeken waar ík gelukkig van wordt. Voelen en ervaren wat ík wil in mijn leven. En bovenal loslaten van verwachtingen die ik zelf in mijn hoofd gecreëerd. #bealifechanger#followyourdreams#happywednesday
Ontbijtje was een boterham met boter, rookvlees en ei, roggebrood met boter en kaas en rijstepap. Ik kan echt uren/zelfs dagen twijfelen wat ik wanneer als warm eten ga eten. Vandaag ook weer, ik heb dingen die op moeten, maar ook dingen waar ik meer zin in heb. En dan komen er nog 100 ES regeltjes bij (zowel voor als tegen de ES) waardoor ik het niet meer overzie. Heb ook een calorie-eis voor mezelf gesteld waar mijn maaltijden aan moeten voldoen maar daardoor eet ik gevoelsmatig vooral calorieën in plaats van eten. Van loodjes trekken tot weekmenu's maken, niets geeft rust. Het kan me zo aanvliegen, altijd dat eten plannen, de boodschappen... #krachtvoer#proud2bme#anorexiarecovery#prorecovery#recoveringdutchie#breakfast#ontbijt#fooddiary#food
I'm currently in this long and confusing process of figuring out who I am and who I want to be✨. - #Morningsnack from yesterday💃🏼🍓🌰. Yesterday I said goodbye to my boyfriend as he is going on vacation for 3,5 weeks☹️. I'm already missing him v much but I'll survive as usual. The weather isn't good the past couple of days and it matches perfectly with my mood. I'm still v tired and can't sleep till midnight due to overthinking. Not going to do much today besides working in the evening and maybe some journalling this afternoon. Have a nice Wednesday peeps🙆🏼. - By the way you all should go and follow the lovely and sweet @choconien !! I was scrolling on her account the other day and she gave me a boost of motivation💪🏼. She is just so inspiring💖💗!!
Goedemorgen leuke mensen! Vandaag ga ik foto's maken van een kennis en haar kinderen. Super leuk, heb er echt zin in! Verder ga ik vandaag gewoon wat huishoudelijke dingetjes doen. Therapie gisteren ging goed! Morgen moet ik naar de somatische arts, waar ik heeel erg tegenop zie..
Vandaag deze rijstsalade met o.a. maïs, paprika en kaas. Vooral de kaas🧀 erin vond ik erg lekker, als kaasliefhebber 😋. Vandaag had ik een lastige dag. Ik heb de laatste 2 nachten enorm slecht geslapen. Iets met om 3 uur pas in slaap vallen om vervolgens om 5 uur wakker te worden, en om 7 uur weer in slaap vallen met elke 5 minuten even wakker te worden. En er dan om 8 uur weer uit mogen 😑. Dat lukte me dan ook niet vanmorgen. Ik was te moe, en viel na het wakker worden om 8 uur, direct weer in slaap. Met veel moeite toch om half 10 eruit gekomen. Het lukte me gewoon allemaal niet vandaag. Te moe, te veel discussies in mijn hoofd, te veel negativiteit in mijn hoofd, te veel destructiviteit en te obsessief. Het lukte me niet om mijn taken te doen, op koken na. Daarnaast had ik erg veel last van bewegingsdrang. Ik moest gewoon bewegen, en putte mezelf daarmee nog meer uit, totdat ik helemaal kapot was. Nu lig ik enorm moe in bed, maar het lukt me nog niet om te slapen. Ik hoop zo dat ik vannacht iets beter slaap, want dit breekt me echt op...
Yummy pie from yesterday it was it on Saturday. I don't know anymore haha... It is a plum cake. Sweet and fresh at the same time 😍 definitely recommend to try this at la place. 😉 . . Update about the hospital. We had to wait a while hour and my mom was in the room for maybe fifteen minutes. They hadn't done anything. Just send her back. I really don't understand why someone says you have to go to the doctor to get something cut it off your eye and the doctor there tells you it's too small. . . Somehow they never do anything you ask in hospitals in my case, which is why I hate hospitals... . . Anyways I will see my doctor this Friday to tell her that I think I have ADD. I'm wondering wether she will listen to it. So I will write down all the things I have that aren't normal or influencing my life in a negative way. My mom will come with me to tell her the things she noticed and to explain who in the family had it too. (Both sides of the family). I hope my doctor agrees to let me try Ritalin, because I really don't want to see a psychologist. . . Want to wish you a good night and please comment an emoji if you read this all. It would mean the world to me. Love you and sweet dreams. Xx
Had lunch out today! #recoverywin !!! 😎👍🏻 Had some shrimps and veggies which was topped with some super greasy onion (I didn't know beforehand there was gonna be greasy stuff but I ate it anyway!!!) and two slices of white (!!!) bread 🎉💪🏻 Went with both my parents which was extra scary, plus I let my mom decide where we would eat so this was really a big challenge!!! 💁🏾💖 I really hope you're challenging yourselves too! Remember, fears are there to be beaten 💘
No food picture today because I really wanted to post this. This shows that even in the darkest times there's light. That even in de darkest clouds, there's light. You just have to find it. Finding the light is the hardest thing ever and it takes all you have, but you WILL reach it. The light stand for happiness and freedom, and that my lovely followers, is all you deserve. 🌦
~Als je iets echt wil, dan kun je het ook bereiken! ~ Wie had nou gedacht dat ik, na jaren afwezigheid van de Jong Nederland Helden kampen, dit jaar wél mee zou gaan? Ik ben naar een zwembad geweest met de kids, ben daar in bikini gegaan, in het water, frietjes met snack gegeten maar het allerbelangrijkste: ik heb plezier gehad! De rest van de dagen waren ook top. Gezellige mensen maken er samen een top kamp van, en ik ben blij dat ik daar een onderdeel van was. Het volgende doel is dat ik next year de hele week mee kan helpen 💪🏼 Het is soms retezwaar, maar echt geloof me: het leven kan zo veel mooier zijn! 💗 Bedankt allemaal voor de vier leuke dagen, en bedankt voor alle lieve woorden en complimentjes, dat deed me goed 😊 #krachtvoer#recoveringdutchie#recovery#JNH#kamp
Quick selfie while shopping! We ate a yummy pie there and I had a delicious cup of tea. I sort of was quite positive today, which was amazing! 😅🤗 . . Tomorrow we will go to hospital because mom had something with her eye. I also wanted to call my doctor wether it is possible that I have ADD. (It's in the family and I do recognize almost all symptoms). Maybe when I get diagnosed with ADD they can do help me? Maybe it helps me to be more stable emotionally and be able to be in busy places?
Spontaneously dinnerdate with mommy after a therapy meeting with my psychologist & mom 💖 This #dinner was the best. Vegan lentil curry with potatoes & vegs goshhhh 🤤 I ate it all bc it's good and I feel motivated. Motivated, because I want and really need more intensive therapies. Have a nice evening lovessss 💚
This was my first time trying persimmon! Mine was a bit overripe so it had lost its shape a bit but hey I don't judge by looks 💁🏾 It was pretty good, though I think it would've tasted better if it hadn't been this ripe 😂 Anyhow today was a pretty relaxed day! My mood has definitely gotten better during this day which I'm so thankful for 😌 Hope you're all having a fabulous Monday lovelies 💞
recovery is not rainbows and unicorns. it is not pretty Instagram food photos. it is not dancing through life. it is not "just eating" and getting better. it is not easy. sometimes it is hard. sometimes it is terrible. sometimes it is scary. sometimes it makes you feel like you lose control. sometimes it feels like things are getting worse. sometimes it is crying. sometimes it is panick attacks. sometimes it is feeling depressed, anxious and low. sometimes it is fighting and screaming. sometimes it is being done with everything. but recovery also means gaining life back. it means getting more freedom again. it means you can have sleep overs with friends. it means getting stronger. it means being able to travel. it means doing things you love again. it means being able to go to school and actually concentrate. it means fighting for you dreams. it means an unexpected smile sometimes. it means learning a lot about yourself. it means getting a good relationship with food/exersice again. it means less fight with your loved ones. it means not being stuck in hospitals/clinics/daypatient/appointments your whole life. it means falling but getting up stronger. it means starting to live a little more instead of dying a little more. it means.. well actually it means choosing life over death, even tho you are so scared to live. you will get through this. you will win this war. it will get easier. never give up. you dont have to do this alone. fight together. life is waiting for you. god gives his hardest battles to his strongest soldiers. you can do this. you are on this earth for a reason. you are freaking worth it. eat baby. dont harm yourself baby. dont exersice baby. dont purge baby. dont binge baby. dont let your ed take away any more of your life baby. baby, flourish. really, bloom. dont listen to the demons in your head. they tell you lies. you, yes you who are reading this: you are stronger than you think and amazing just the way you are.✨ #anorexia#foodisfuel#eattogrow#anorexiarecovery#edrecovery#edsoldier#eatingdisorderrecovery#nourishtoflourish#vegan#eatingdisorder#eattolive#recoveringdutchie