Not my best picture but I'm not mad about it. There is so much to be angry about in this country, I won't let it be about food. Still recovering from the panic attack the other day. Spooked me pretty bad. So my main and I made this. Noodles are a fear food of mine but I knew it was time. We made the pasta sauce from scratch (ballers.) That's just roasting two cans of tomatoes, two carrots, half onion, garlic, and oregano for one hour. Then I sautéed up broccoli, ground turkey, spinach, cherry tomatoes, and onions. Add pasta. And parm. Boom. Recovery is difficult. The good days feel glamorous. The bad feel like hell fire. Acknowledge them both. Love them both, and move on. Every day is a new day to do something different. #edrecovery#anorexiarecovery#pasta#fearfoods#gettingbettereveryday#fuckyouana
2 rice cakes+ 1/2 an avocado + a lil salt=😍🥑👌🏽 I had to grab this and run but I'm glad I made it home with enough time to get some food in me before I spend 4 hours in this computer training🙄 My doctors appointment yesterday went ok, my phosphorous came back really low and a few other things were borderline so I'm back on electrolyte supplements for the foreseeable future😷 Anyway, hope y'all are having great days!💕 #realrecovery#edfam#anafam#anarecovery#edrecovery#anorexiarecovery#anawho#adultswitheds#glutenfree
Been talking to so many of you about finding your WHY for recovery! So inspiring. ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀ Remember. YOU are not your body. YOU are not your mind...YOU are something divine. God, the universe, whatever you subscribe to... has something amazing and powerful in store for you. A purpose. ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀ #whatsyourwhy ☀️🙌☀️
So, for the past week or two I have been (loosely) tracking my macros on myfitnesspal going against iifym. And, it's really triggering me 😳 I see the number of calories I am eating and I freak out. And I get frustrated that it's not "perfect" and I get frustrated that so many people swear by iifym and it seems to be the go to diet for weight training. I think I am going to have to stop it because it just isn't helping me. I love weight training and I think I will stick to that. Messing with my diet is only messing with my brain and making me upset 😳 so to the hard-core fitness people I am sorry but everyone is different I guess. Not everyone is able to only eat x amount of fat and it's not good for everyone to religiously count calories. I haven't counted for just under two years and I don't feel like I want to get obsessed over that again. There is the fear that if I eat "normally" as in no macronutrient restrictions then I am not going to build muscle and will just look flabby. But I know that is the eating disorder. FLORENCE just wants to get strong and she doesn't give a flying tit what she looks like. Six pack abs and bulging muscles is not attainable for me at this current moment but being strong is. So yes I don't want to track my stupid macros because that is going to hold me back from recovery. Letting go is bloody scary and so is going against the "fitness rules" but I will make my own rules up thank you very much. I was born to be different anyway, I never have followed the crowed 🐏
This was lunch. I am still waiting to hear back from my job, and I'm really dreading having to go to work there on Sunday because I'm afraid that they'll be really mean about my quitting. I'm so ready to just be done with that place. Today, I'll seeing my boyfriend and will also be doing a bunch of practicing. My first audition is in 2 weeks and I'm starting to really feel the pressure! Every inch of me is anxious and judging my cello playing harshly to the point where it feels hard to even pick up my cello. This is super personal, but I have a stutter sometimes when I'm really nervous about things in my life. I'm starting to notice it come back and I even get anxious to speak now, on top of everything else. Luckily my ed hasn't kicked in and I'm still doing well with my intake. #2fab4ana#edfam#nourishnotpunish#healthynotskinny#anorexiarecovery#anorexia#prorecovery#recoverywarrior#edcommunity#antiana#edfamily#eatingdisorderrecovery#edsoldier#anawho
I wanted to try coconut water and accidentally bought the chocolate one. Instead of panicking, I've just accepted it and embraced it....even though it looks positively revolting it tastes pretty good 😂 I've officially survived my first week back to uni for semester two of third year. Away to make some Quorn soup (trying the Moroccan one tonight - I'm excited!) and then off to work. Hope you have a great night! 🖤 . . . . . . . . #eatingdisorder#ed#anorexia#eatingdisorderrecovery#edrecovery#anorexiarecovery#recovery
Back at school with my absolute favorite hot pockets 😊operation disarm my ED has been successful so far. I threw out a good amount of food that I know will not help me in the long run. I'm going grocery shopping later today! Wish me luck!!
Sometimes it isn't even that I don't want to eat, sometimes it's just that I can't be arsed and don't see the point in eating. I make all my own meals because my dietitian wants me to make the choice to eat as I'll be leaving home in 2 years and they want me to make the choice to eat but also because I'm scared that others will contaminate my foods with fear food. I hate the fact that we have to have savoury for dinner, what if I want a massive bowl of cereal instead, is that not acceptable??😩🤔🌿
Also, the last photo to out up is of the celebration of my birthday with friends. It was so so nice to spend time with friends. I have never been one for a big gathering or for organising one. I have been thinking about this for a long time and I feel it's because of the fear of people saying 'no' or people coming, but there are too many people for me to handle and talk to and I get lost in the sea of people. I quite like the intimacy of small groups because then I can talk to those people with meaningful conversations. Also on a Recovery side of things, eating with friends makes things easier. So long as they are eating too lol. 😄😅😂 #edfighter#edwarrior#edrecovery#anorexia#Anorexiarecovery#introvert#birthday#Cookiedough#icecream#whippedcream#friends
Dinner for only myself tonight is already a recoverywin because i find it very difficult to cook only for myself and also eat carbs instead of only veggies. So i made a pasta dish with some chicken and broccoli with a low fat chive sauce. Still feeling like a whale and pretty depressed but still swimming and eating! Hope you all have had a good day❤
Goood evening❤❤❤ how are you all? Big RECOVERYWIN part of #snack today was this #peanut#seaweed#candybar 🥜🥜🥜🥜💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻 the sugar still scares me somehow but fears need to be beaten right? So bam there we go🙆🏻😊 not feeling too well tbh😶 but I will survive❤ (not ed related though) anyways have a lovely evening💕💕💕
Finally getting time for lunch. My lunch always looks so overwhelming to me, but I gotta remind myself part of it is snack. Plus I barely get a chance to eat in the morning. Food is not the enemy, unhealthy choices are. Therefore not eating is way more harmful than just eating healthy. Or so I keep trying to convince myself, anyway. #ednosrecovery#ednos#chooserecovery#fitlife#anorexiarecovery
Guess who is going to the hospital!! This gal!! But I'll be okay, just praying that I don't have to go to residential treatment after!! That's all I want, hospital->home! I'll be admitted into the Pediatric ward this time too, and I'll get to see my eating disorder doctors, the ones who specializes in eating disorders!!! So for now I'm waiting for my nurse practitioner to call for a pediatric bed, and I'm already packed with a suitcase full of stuff!! I'm 68 pounds. The lowest I have ever been, ever. The lowest I'll ever be. I'll do anything it takes to not go to residential treatment, but if I really need to and want to after hospitalization, I WILL. But I'm hoping to take it one day at a time. I am confident I can recover!!! Keep you all posted!!!