I hardly ever post on Instagram because I'm afraid of what people will think. I started this account way back when because I finally felt I was 'allowed' to, simply because I had lost weight. My core belief was that being thin, equated into being worthy. Worthy of a social media presence, of friendship, of love, of kindness, of acceptance.. worthy of having an existence. I couldn't see that it consumed me. I became, to myself, and I'm sure other people, 'the girl who suffered with an ED'. And because of that, I lost my identity, and I'm not even sure yet I've got it back. I still am that girl, but one who no longer sees an ED as a flaw, but as a strength. I spent forever seeing it as this ugly monster that lived inside me, but now I see it as a protector, something I needed to help me cope when I couldn't help myself. But I'm stronger now. I no longer need it to protect me because I can do that myself. So I'm ready to let it go and let go of the fear of what people are going to think when I post this, because pictures of me going out or in gym kit aren't enough anymore. I want to help someday and to do that, I need to help myself. So from now on expect this account to be a diary of recovery because I want to be 'a girl who survived an ED.'